28.6.09

Johnson’s Baby Wash for Erasmus

Emotional exhaustion has hit me full force. I have had to say goodbye to so many people over the past few days that I have actually become physically tired from emotions. I don't think I've ever had to do this before. Any other time I've had to say goodbye to large amounts of people at one time, there was always the comfort that at least we were still in the same country. Now, goodbye is in all likelihood a true goodbye without the possibility of "see you later." That prospect kills me. I know that I should not cry that the good times are over but smile that they happened at all. I knew it was going to have to come to an end but it still is hitting me much harder than I expected. I had to say goodbye to Thibaut, Nicole, Ilias, Antonis, Srdjan, Linda and Nelli all on the same day. I will see Nelli in Budapest so that is nice. It's especially good because I'm going there by myself so having a friendly face there will be great. Facebook and Skype are of particular comfort right now but it's not the same. I know that I keep saying that I am in love with Krakow, which is true, but I wouldn't have fallen so hard or so fast if it weren't for all of the amazing people that made this experience what it was. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I am less than 4 weeks away from coming home and seeing all of my friends and family. I've been trying to emphasize the positive because I think any one of us would start crying if we think about what we are leaving behind. Yesterday, we had a huge going away dinner at Pod Wawelem and Srdjan and Nelli's families were there. It was really kind of a cool representation of the transition back in to "civilian" life. Then, Tina, Chelsea and I went to Respect and we ended up meeting a group of Swedish people. It's really cool that we are still meeting new people and making new friends even with just a few days left here. I'm sorry that the past few entries have been kind of depressing but I'm just in a sour mood for the aforementioned reasons. It seems like the world just stopped while we were here. That is such an amazing experience. One that I don't have words for. I wish everyone could have the opportunity to do a study abroad semester but then I wish we didn't have the end bit. I know it's better to have loved and lost and all that jazz but it doesn't make it any less painful. In a way, it's a great thing to know the last time that you see someone rather than always assuming that there would be time to say all of the things you wanted to say but never found the right place for. On the other hand, hopelessness is a bitch. I know that I will have CTatch back at GV to reminisce with and that is of great solace at the moment. I just wish I didn't have anything that I needed consoling over. This entry has been terribly emo but I wanted to post something since it has been almost a week since I've written anything. I think it's just because Mom was at Cancer Kid Camp so I didn't have someone badgering me about writing.

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